fake.

a divorced dad & his teenage girlfriend.

(from “spoiled rotten”, my last book. coming 12/31/23.)

For a moment they locked eyes, if not for very long. 

God you’re so fucking beautiful.

Thank you daddy. Thank you thank you thank you.

Such a perfect little princess. 

Fuck. Yes. I’m such a fucking slut for you.

Shit. Your ass is so tight. Feels so good on my cock.

Please yes don’t stop you’re hitting my spot. 

I’m so god damn lucky.

Harder yes please daddy it feels so fucking good.

That’s what daddies are for right? Making their little girls feel good?

Yes God don’t stop please don’t ever stop fucking me like this daddy.

James would’ve never done this to his actual daughter no matter what awful stuff his ex-wife imagined he would be capable of. She had been a child last time he saw her face, so she’d stay forever sixteen in his mind. 

Sarah on the other hand was nineteen but she looked so much younger than that. Must have been from all the hormones. But she was always dressed up like a parent’s worst nightmare.

Where do you think you’re going out like that?

I’ve got a date tonight. Remember? I mentioned it this morning…

Right. Sorry, I forgot.

Yeah well my Uber’s here. I’ll text you the address.

Okay. Thank you. Promise you’ll be good for me?

Promise.

He pecked her on the cheek, careful not to mess her makeup. She was wearing that schoolgirl outfit she pegged him in last Friday. The skirt was black and sparkly so whatever lube or come had stained it wouldn’t show.

Text me on your way home.

Of course daddy.

And you stay safe out there. You still got that pepper spray right?

I’ll be okay. Alright? I can take care of myself.

James couldn’t help but worry. Just a few months ago she’d come home with her lip split and a black eye. Jesus Christ, he said, turning her face by the chin, who did this to you.

Just forget about it. She unzipped her boots and plucked a short stack of hundred dollar bills from the bottom. It’s all been taken care of.

What are you talking about for fuck’s sake who hurt you.

She set her finger on his lips and said Shh. It smelled faintly of blood. I told you. It’s already been taken care of. 

James helped her bring the bags into the basement. They each weighed a ton and when he asked she said it was better if he didn’t know. 

There was a spot in the floor where some work needed to be done and they set them at the bottom in the exposed patch of dirt beneath the foundation. By now it was three in the morning. In his boxers and a wife beater James set out to finish the project he had promised his ex wife he’d get around to at least twice a year back when they were still a normal family.

Here. He handed her a bucket. Go upstairs and fill this up with water. He went into the corner and pulled a shovel from the spiderwebs.

James?

He looked up from his screen. Oh, hi Carol.

You alright? I came by and…

Yeah sorry I’ll have those reports done by three.

James. Carol crept a little closer into his office. Is there something going on you’d like to talk about?

He never told any of his coworkers about the divorce. He preferred to keep his personal life private. Being in such an important managerial position allowed him such a distance. But lately his coworkers had begun to gossip about the hickies on his neck. 

I’m not gay, he insisted over drinks after work one night. 

If you are that’s fine no one really gives a crap.

I’m a lesbian, David’s bi…  

But I’m not gay though.

You know Laura in accounting’s a transgender? 

Seriously? said the guy from logistics. No shit. 

Remember she was out three months last fall?

Amy nudged him. What’s the matter James?

Maybe he’s just shy.

Or hates gay people.

Look no. I don’t have any problem with homosexuals.

So… like… do you have a girlfriend or no?

I… don’t really have the time for that.

What about a boyfriend?

Yeah he’s always busy for whatever reason.

Never wants to hang out with anyone.

A girl in the corner laughed. I heard he spends all his free time volunteering at the Y.

He checked his phone again and saw Sarah was on her way back. She was stopping for Chinese and asked him if he wanted anything.

Do you ever let them come inside you?

Drool soaked into faded floral print sheets.

No I always make them wear a condom.

So they don’t come inside you.

They do come inside me but only if there’s a condom.

So no one else is coming inside of you.

Only you daddy.

Good girl.

Fuck please I need it yes keep fucking railing me.

I’m going to come.

Fucking do it daddy.

I’m coming for you princess.

God please I need it so bad.

I’m coming baby.

Please God yes get me pregnant daddy.

It wasn’t something he hadn’t considered before or even infrequently. He’d been spending bathroom breaks on his phone on Reddit browsing threads he found on Google. Timelines they called them but very few showed any actual progression over time. Mostly just before and afters. There were women on there his age, but…

Are you alright?

Yeah fine. Just.

I heard you crying in there. Is everything okay?

Oh, um. It’s. Kind of a personal thing…

For his actual flesh and blood child, puberty hit from out of nowhere. She had sprouted up so suddenly like weeds. It was all so strange watching the girl he once saw so sexless and androgynous blossom into maddening new shapes. It wasn’t like she wasn’t attractive. He could look, even admire, but he could never touch her like that. He wasn’t a monster. He knew it would’ve been wrong. 

I’ve been having these. Um. Urges, he said to his therapist. Around my daughter.

Oh.

I mean. Nothing sexual.

Well, she said. If they are we should discuss them. It’s actually quite natural to feel… unnatural desire… There’s no shame in that…

No, uh. I’m sorry… I don’t think you understand. It’s nothing quite like that.

Okay, then. How would you describe it?

It’s um. Something more along the lines of… jealousy?

I see. 

Like, I know it’s fucked up but… I don’t know.

Well, she said, jealousy is often quite misunderstood. It’s actually an extremely useful emotion. I like to think of it like a… guidebook for desire. Do you have any idea what you might be jealous of?

He drank another couple shots but still couldn’t fall asleep. He was afraid she wouldn’t be coming back this time. On TCM they were playing Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. James didn’t understand it even after all these years, but it was still very pretty to look at. 

Eventually he heard keys in the lock, and the door creaked open.

You’re still up, she said.

Do you know what time it is?

Like, three AM, she yawned.

It’s a school night. You really ought to be in bed. Where were you?

Just hanging out with some friends. 

He could smell the liquor on her breath. Have you been drinking?

Yeah, maybe. Her lipstick was smudged and her mascara running. What are you gonna do about it. 

He grabbed her by the ass and by the throat.

What do you think?

He got another call about a suspicious purchase. Yes… No… It was a gift for, uhm… He spoke in hushed tones. Someone in another cubicle might be eavesdropping. My girlfriend.

Kate Bush came on the classic rock station on the drive home from work. Making a deal with God seemed so absurd. Did he really want to swap their places? This seemed the simplest explanation of all potential desires, but he couldn’t imagine living through those teenage years again. He was already emotional enough.

Do you love me? he asked.

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course.

His daughter, his real one, would’ve turned twenty one today. He pictured her at the bar, drunk with friends, doing lines in the bathroom, puking over a balcony, being helped into a car by strange men. He wondered what she looked like now, but he was blocked from all her social media.

If there wasn’t money involved, he said. Or a place to stay. I just. I know what this looks like. I’m not stupid.

Sarah smiled and took another bite of General Tso’s. She leaned her head against his shoulder. You’re a nice guy, James. You’re sweet, and you’ve never tried to hurt me. I mean. Not in a bad way.

Is that enough though?

Daddy, please…

You really do find me attractive?

Please, just… don’t overthink this.

The night she left him James’ ex wife came back early having left her purse at home. That’s when she noticed the light from the bedroom and peeked through the crack in the door. She saw him in the mirror pirouetting and left without a sound, shocked and disgusted at such an unspeakable sight. She left a note on the fridge he didn’t find until the morning and that was that.

He did as he’d been told. Took the clothes he’d so defiled, put them in a bin and burned them. He called the number on the paper and he agreed to leave the house that Sunday to give them time and space to pack their things for good. 

James had planned to kill himself not long after she left him. He drew a warm bath and set the razorblades on the edge and drank whiskey from the bottle smoking cigarettes with a bag tied around the smoke alarm watching Blade Runner on the motel’s free HBO.

But he never actually went through with it. He’d always been a coward, and besides, he had already given everyone else enough trouble.

Here, he said.

What is this?

Open it.

The box was black velvet, delicate and small. Sarah’s bejeweled nails worked along the seam to pry it open.

Oh. James. 

He had bought it for their anniversary just before the divorce, but he didn’t have the heart to return it.

I can’t… This is… 

Please.. I want you to have it. Besides, it’s much too small for these hands. I couldn’t wear it if I tried.

She kissed him on the cheek. Thank you, she said. This means so much to me. He kissed her back and held her close and tight.

Anything for my princess.

James knew their time together was drawing to an end. In just a few short months Sarah would be going away to college. Earlier that day he found the acceptance letter in her desk in her bedroom underneath her diary. 

Her hand reached for his cock, but he withdrew.

What’s wrong? 

He stared off into nothing for a while. 

James?

Tonight, can we… He thought out all the words he needed to say very carefully. I don’t think I can do sex tonight, he said. I really just need someone to touch me.

At the mall he waited on the bench outside the dressing room for her to change refreshing Facebook for notifications that never came.

How’s this one?

It’s lovely. Just like you. 

Not sure about the fit…

We can always get it tailored…

I think I like the other one better.

The black? Don’t you think it’s a little… 

Dad. They make these for teenagers.

James gave Sarah twenty bucks to buy them some coffee while he wrote out a check for the dress.

They grow up so fast, said the cashier. Don’t you just wish you could keep them young like that forever?

That night on the drive over, Sarah’s left hand rested just above his knee as her right hand updated Twitter with links for new content on her OnlyFans. She could feel his heart was beating fast. She was a little bit anxious as well, but she did a couple bumps of ketamine before they left, so it all felt like a dream, or an arthouse porno; so serene and detached. She surrendered herself completely to the act as they sang along to Steely Dan on the radio. Are you gathering up the tears? Have you had enough of mine?

He parked as close as they could to house. Kids were trick or treating just outside the gated community, dressed as ghouls and ghosts and all sorts of monsters and superheroes, but this wasn’t that kind of party. They were all adults. James cut the engine off. I love you, he said, no matter what happens next. I will always love you. 

Autumnal winds blew leaves around their feet as they made their way up the driveway. Sarah’s new heels clacked arrhythmically as she clung to his arm for support. Cubic zirconia glimmered eloquently from between her breasts like starlight. Muffled voices could be heard through the walls. Glasses clinking, laughter. James rang the bell and a tall man in a cloak and a Venetian mask opened the door. 

Well, his boss said. Look who decided to show.

James handed him the bottle of champagne. Thought it might be nice for a change, he said. I’d like you to meet my daughter.